Sending Your Child Off to College
You’ve been through it all – admissions counseling, college nights, test prep, campus visits, applications – and now the big day is fast approaching. Are you ready? No matter how much you prepare, this is a time fraught with emotions and wondering if you’ve done enough to prepare. Here are a few tips for families about to send their child off to college.
1. Paying for College
Hopefully you set up a college savings plan back when they were younger – perhaps a 529 plan or a state guaranteed tuition plan such as the Texas Tomorrow Fund. Now is the time to review the rules for how and when to withdraw funds from those plans. Yes, there are lots of rules! Items billed by the school, such as campus housing and meal plans, are fairly straightforward. But if they live off-campus, it’s more complicated. At the end of the year you will receive tax forms from the University and the 529 Plan to file with your Federal Tax return, so keep supporting records.
2. Insurance
Make sure your child is covered under a health insurance plan. Most universities provide their own plan and auto-bill for it on tuition statements. If your child is covered under another plan, take steps to waive this charge to avoid an expensive and unnecessary item.
If your child will be far from home, you may want to arrange a health care power of attorney for someone who can step in in the event of an emergency or hospitalization. You should also have your (now adult) child sign a HIPAA release to insure that medical information can be shared with you.
3. College Finances
Before they leave, discuss with your child how your family will be paying for their education. If scholarships are a part of the equation, what academic requirements must be maintained to keep them in place? If student loans are being used, who will be responsible for paying them back? Remember, there are credit implications of missed payments.
If you haven’t already done so, you will want to set up a checking account and a credit or debit card for your child. And teach them how to use it. I’ll never forget my surprise the first time my son had to write a check and had no idea how to do it. Setting up a banking app on their mobile phones will be very useful.
Next it is time to teach them how to build a basic budget for college. This should include the necessary expenses as well as spending money for entertainment, clothing and other fun stuff. It is also a great time to set expectations and discuss who will be paying for extras like a spring break trip. If there’s one item that should not be viewed as discretionary, it’s UBER. Parents may want to set up a ride share account for their child’s use, for their safety and your peace of mind.
4. Life Basics
Teach them how to do laundry, and make them do their own for at least the summer before they go. Unless you are setting them up with the local dry cleaning and laundry service, you should be prepared to toss away their entire first year wardrobe. It will all come back an indistinguishable shade of “greige”, with shrunken sweaters and a favorite pair of jeans that stands up by itself. Most kids will be proud to show off their laundry prowess, so a few lessons and tips will be a win-win.
5. The Transition
Getting your new college student moved in to a comfortable room and signing up for the campus meal plan will help establish a sense of security and stability. You can provide additional assistance by encouraging them to join a few groups – clubs, special interest groups or intramural teams. Finding and developing social networks is just as important to a successful college experience as good study habits.
Now that you have helped with the transition, realize too that your relationship is changing. Your role as a parent has gone from supervisor to mentor. So give them space. Resist the temptation to text or call several times a day! A scheduled check-in once or twice a week should allow you to strike a balance between fostering independence and not leaving them feeling abandoned or controlled.
You will want to keep abreast of academic performance, as a slippage there can be a sign of bigger troubles. To do that, make sure you and your child sign the necessary forms (usually provided at orientation or registration) to give you access to their academic records. And if your child needs professional help, get it for them. Most universities have a wealth of resources to help students with these challenges.
6. Now, for Mom and Dad
Sending a child off to college is an emotional time for parents, so give yourself some grace. You may want to shut your child’s bedroom door when you leave for the drive to college or the airport, and perhaps remove the extra chair from the dinner table for a week or two. Share your feelings with friends and with each other, but try not to burden your child with unnecessary emotional baggage. You can send an occasional care package to let them know you miss them and are thinking about them. This has the advantage of providing a boost just when they may need it and makes you feel good too.
So relax, you did it! Eighteen years has led to this moment. It’s time to pause for a moment of gratitude, to take a breath and reward yourself.